"THE COMET" SODA FOUNTAIN
Where wishes come true
By Benjamín Gavarre
© BENJAMÍN GAVARRE SILVA
Contact this address if you have produced it or wish to do so: gavarreunam@gmail.com
Characters:
- JONATHAN: A broke, naive, and—until now—desperately virgin college student.
- MITCH (MEMO): His know-it-all, majorly chicken college buddy.
- BEN (BETO): Another student, wears glasses held together with duct tape. Total scaredy-cat.
- THE GYPSY-WAITRESS: Curvy, mysterious owner of "The Comet". Full 50s attire, icicle eyes, youth-devourer, sorceress, and hunter of virgins—bonus points if they are college boys.
ONE-ACT PLAY
SCENE 1
(A street near campus. JONATHAN, MITCH, and BEN walk dragging their feet, carrying heavy bags filled with library books. BEN adjusts his crappy glasses poorly taped with duct tape.)
MITCH: Truth shall set us free! "Pre-Columbian History II" can wait until the next century.
BEN: Heck yeah, we needed to ditch class... Living like this is just brutal. We're totally broke, got no jobs, and zero girls even look our way.
JONATHAN: I'm in! We gotta find some meaning to our lives... or at least let's go grab a cheap hot dog. If we pool our cash, we might afford one to split three ways.
MITCH: One for all, all for one.
BEN: Hell yeah! Go team!
MITCH: Ugh, don't be a dork.
JONATHAN: Seriously, man!
(Suddenly, the stage lights shift into a vibrant 1950s "Technicolor." Sound of revving car engines, "Grease" style. The air smells like strawberry milkshakes. In the background, a neon sign blinks to life: "The Comet: Ice Cream & Wishes Granted".)
MITCH: They must be shooting a movie around here, typical...
BEN:
(Freaking out)Dude! I seriously crave a milkshake from that diner... Looks crazy retro, right? And it has like a buffet bar! What if it's for the movie extras or the actors?
MITCH: "The Comet: Ice Cream & Wishes Granted". Well, maybe we'll stumble into some free food!...
BEN: Let's hit it, let's act like we're extras in the movie. Or better yet, one of us should go first to see what's the deal.
(They toss a coin. JONATHAN loses.)
MITCH: You're up, Jonathan! You got that perfect victim face, maybe they'll feel sorry for you and hook you up with free milkshakes... Go get 'em, pal.
(Jonathan walks toward the door of "The Comet." As he pushes it open, magical bells chime. Jonathan steps inside, and the door slams shut with a heavy, echoing thud.)
SCENE 2
(The interior of the Diner lights up. Behind the chrome counter stands THE GYPSY-WAITRESS, wearing a carnival fortune-teller dress and hair like fire. She serves with a hypnotic disdain.)
JONATHAN:
(Trembling, red as a tomato)Uh... afternoon... Could I get a sample of a milkshake?... Chocolate, if possible... It's just... my first time in a place like this... and well, my first time doing anything, really...
(The Gypsy turns around in silence and smiles wickedly. Out of nowhere, she produces a huge milkshake and hands it to a thrilled Jonathan. Outside the window, MITCH and BEN press their noses against the glass, cheering him on with big thumbs-ups.)
JONATHAN:
(Overjoyed, leans out the window and waves excitedly with the chocolate milkshake in hand)Look, guys! It worked! Can you believe it! Hey!
(THE GYPSY emerges out of nowhere right behind Jonathan like a ghost. She places a heavy hand on his shoulder and glares at the window with absolute iciness. Outside, Mitch and Ben grab each other, practically peeing themselves from terror.)
BEN:
(Backing away from the window)Oh hell no... Look at that lady's face!... Jonathan might be happy right now, but I think she's gonna have way more fun than him. Well, as long as he loses his virginity, it's a win!
MITCH: Man, I'm so jealous! Let's just leave him to enjoy it in peace, right? We can come back later, see if we get a taste of her milkshake too...
BEN: You got it! Let's check out the rest of the set, looks cool.
(The two walk away, a mix of excited and terrified.)
SCENE 3
(A clock on stage spins at top speed. Surreal music plays. Seconds pass for the audience, but the sign now reads: "20 YEARS LATER". MITCH and BEN walk back. They look utterly exhausted.)
MITCH: So crazy... this place brings back trippy memories, like a weird dream but somehow real... Everything looks like the stuff my mom used to talk about...
BEN: Totally... But hey, we're finally back for Jonathan... Let's see how his "big debut" went...
(The door to "The Comet" swings open. An OLD MAN with a white beard steps out, happily holding a strawberry ice cream cone. Behind him, THE GYPSY peeks out, smirking with pure contempt before slamming the door. The old man floats toward them with a vacant stare.)
MITCH: ... What a freaky guy. Hey, mister... is the buffet over?
OLD MAN (JONATHAN): What's up, boys! You took forever! I almost finished all of Madame's ice cream... but man, it was worth it. The first time hurt a bit, but then she treated me to blueberry cookies and taught me the secrets of the Cosmos!
MITCH:
(To Ben)Dude, this guy is completely wasted...
(To the Old Man)Sure, mister... whatever you say.
BEN: Let's get out of here; this old guy is totally nuts.
JONATHAN: What are you talking about? Old guy?! It's me... Jonathan! Look at everything I learned during my initiation...
(Jonathan makes a ridiculous hand gesture, and his eyes glow faintly with a neon hue)
JONATHAN: I can see the aura of your emotional baggage! The lady turned me into her follower, her servant... I'm her mystical pleasure slave! We became one with space-time... although I get tired just by breathing now.
BEN:
(Terrified)Wait, hold on... If you're really Jonathan... tell us what class we ditched today.
JONATHAN: Pre-Columbian History, duh! But don't be party poopers. Go on inside with the Mistress. Madame is super demanding, but she really opens up your third eye.
(The door cracks open. THE GYPSY peeks out and, staring dead at them, curls her index finger telling them to come inside: "Come...".)
BEN:
(Hypnotized)Well... if Jonathan finally got to touch a woman... why shouldn't I! Goodbye virginity, goodbye!
(Ben runs through the door. It slams shut with the same heavy chime of bells. OLD JONATHAN and MITCH are left alone on the street.)
SCENE 4
MITCH:
(Staring at Jonathan)Dude... were you really her slave? You look... completely sucked dry.
JONATHAN (OLD):
(Licking his ice cream with a vacant stare)Worth... every... single... second of my life. I learned tantric levitation... and how to weave threads of time... She sucks your soul right out of your eyes, Mitch... you're all hers until there isn't a single drop of juice left in you...
MITCH:
(Stepping back, terrified)You know what... I'm out. This whole thing completely got out of hand.
JONATHAN: No, hang on! Ben is already coming out. See, the lady works fast when she's hungry.
(The door flies open. BEN steps out. He is now a hunched, decrepit old man, with the same glasses held by duct tape, but with wild eyes and a floating smile of absolute adoration.)
BEN (OLD):
(In a raspy voice)Praise be to the Neon Gypsy! I can speak astral tribal tongues now! And I am her number two slave! But man... my hip hurts... and my knees... and my butt.
JONATHAN (OLD):
(Gloomily, looking at his ice cream)Yeah... she already threw me away too. She sucked us completely dry... She likes fresh meat, you know.
BEN and JONATHAN:
(The two old men corral Mitch like brainwashed cult-zombies)Your turn, Mitch... Step inside... Become part of the Whole... You need this, it'll be your first time... And you're gonna love it... She's hungry...
MITCH: No! Help! I'd rather die a virgin, I just want my college degree!
(Mitch tries to run, but his legs completely freeze. Sparks of neon light shoot from his shoes, anchoring him to the pavement.)
MITCH: My legs! The Witch already caught me!
(The door to "The Comet" opens wide. THE GYPSY steps out slowly. She looks at Jonathan and Ben with utter contempt, like two old, used toys, and then locks her fierce, hungry eyes onto Mitch.)
LA GITANA: Don't fight it, my sweet, inexperienced little friend... Your buddies have served their purpose; they are dry, they know too much. Now it's your turn to be my servant, my slave, my replacement for eternal youth... Come on in... you're about to experience the true "Charm" of my Paradise...
(The Gypsy grabs Mitch by the collar of his shirt with supernatural strength. Mitch lets out a high-pitched, comical scream as he is dragged into the glowing interior of the diner. Old Jonathan and Old Ben, with the blank stares of those who have lived it all, sit together on the curb to share the strawberry ice cream cone.)
THE END / QUICK CURTAIN
